We’re living in a golden age of Kardashian pregnancies, folks.
First we learned that Kylie Jenner was pregnant with her first child.
Shortly thereafter, we got word that Khloe Kardashian was expecting.
And of course, all of this follows on the heels of news that Kim Kardashian is expecting a fourth child via surrogacy.
Obviously, all of this puts Kourtney Kardashian in a very difficult spot.
Her status as the family’s resident baby-making machine is being threatened, and if you thought Kourtney would just sit idly by and let that happen … well, you’re probably right, as it turns out.
If, like us, you spend way too much time online googling each individual member of the Kardashian-Jenner clan and then starting over at the top of the list, you may have heard the rumor that Kourtney Kardashian got pregnant with her fourth child because she wants to, like, bond with her sisters and stuff.
And because this is the internet and we’re living in the year 2017, the story only gets more ridiculous from there.
Kourtney is dating Younes Bendjima these days, but according to one persistent social media report, she’s not pregnant by him.
Oh, no … that would be far too obvious.
No, according to various anonymous “insiders” on Twitter, Kourtney is knocked up by none other than Scott Disick.
You may be saying to yourself, “Hey, isn’t Scott creepily dating Sofia Richie these days while drinking himself to death in Mexico, a la Under the Volcano?”
To which we would reply, “Yes, and we’d like to take a moment to commend you on your knowledge of the works of Malcolm Lowery and/or the films of John Huston?”
Put simply, Kourtney is not actually pregnant with Scott’s baby.
In fact, she’s probably not pregnant at all.
As far as we can tell, this rumor is the result of a scene in last week’s episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, in which Kourt revealed that she would be open to having another child with Scott.
Yes, somehow in 2017, there are people watching reality shows who are completely unaware that the footage there watching was filmed several months ago.
(The snow in the Cleveland scenes should’ve been a dead giveaway.)
Now, in order to cover our tracks, we’ll say that it’s possible that Kourtney is coincidentally pregnant with Scott Disick’s baby.
While we’re at it, that stuff about Ted Cruz being the Zodiac Killer might be true, too! Who knows?!